dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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