i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
