Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
