Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize