nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
