I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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