ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
false alarm, still single
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
