I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
