im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
