Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
where are my eyebrows?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
