She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
is it fun? or sober?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
