So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
