First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
