And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You don't make any sense
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