CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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