I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize