i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
