dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
