Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
