Swine flu. Run for my life!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
