and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
