There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize