she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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