I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
