Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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