Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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