my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize