Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
