My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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