I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
