Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
