This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
