If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
