You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
