hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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