his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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