The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
