Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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