Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
