and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
