Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize