okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
