Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
