Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
