my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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