you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
