I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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