hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
