If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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