We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
