Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize