I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
