Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
