left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
