You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
