when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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