I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
