Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
