Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
