Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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