I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
