Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
