...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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