Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
