remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
