Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
