Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
