dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He? As in you personified your dick?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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