I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
