Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
