I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
