i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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