and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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