I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize