Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
