Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize