return my video game
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
