New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
