She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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