just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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