is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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