I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
