i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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