my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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