I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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