fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
