the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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