the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have aggressive nipples.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
