fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am midnight drunk by noon
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
