I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
