So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
