I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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