I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
