You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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