just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
