I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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