i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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