As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
