i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
