Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
