We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
