anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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