i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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