I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
