The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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