My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
