you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
