im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
