Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
