Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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