she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i came on her dog
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
